You Probably Didn’t Expect This Apology From Rep. Randy Weber!

An Apology From Rep. Randy Weber. (R) Texas

I need to apologize (again) to all those offended by my Tweet (the Web site, not the college prank). It was not my intention to trivialize the Holocaust nor to compare Herman Goering to Adolph Hitler. I now just this second realize that the use of Hitler invokes pain and emotional trauma for all the old bastards who were actually alive when Hitler was still a thing.

Hitler was the stinky, moustache-having face of evil, perpetrating facial hair, genocide, and intolerance against six million Jews and millions of other victims, Polacks, fags, and Latinos mostly. Today, we are facing the evil of Islamic extremists who are attempting to instill fear and murdering the lives—that’s right, bitches, I said “murdering the lives,” for a situation this dire calls for redundancy—of innocent people from Paris to Nigeria to Jerusalem and all over West Texas. By the way, I only threw France in there because I had to. I hate those fried bread eating pig fuckers. Furthermore, I don’t even know where Nigeria is. But I hate the French even more than I hate Hitler. Wait. Who was the one in “Inglorious Basterds?”

You know, a Tweet is only supposed to be 140 characters, and this shit has run WAY over that. How do you think I’m doing so far?

Anyway, Goering’s actions or lack thereof is my point of contention here. Mostly lack thereof, because I just read on Google that he’s been dead for some time now.

After World War DOS (shout out, Latinos!), the world made a commitment to “Never Again” allow terror free reign. That’s right. The entire world learned two words of English just to say that. Actually, I think Magneto in “X-Men” said that too, but that would look weird on a beer coozee.

Also, I know it’s kind of uncool that I keep bringing up this World War 2 stuff to a nation that just rolled over and took it like a two dollar whore the last time the Nazis rolled through town. I should really quit while I’m ahead.

Look, damn it, my point is that if I offended the Goering family with the Hitler thing (not the Obama/Hitler thing, that was Tuesday), then I’m sorry. It was an unfair comparison, Goering didn’t nearly have Hitler sized balls. If you’re still all butt hurt about it, maybe we could meet someplace neutral to talk about it, like Paris.

Oh, yeah, yeah, and we must ALL—Christians AND Jews—unite and stand together against radical Islamic extremism in any form.

Hey! “United We Stand”—now THAT would look cool on a beer coozee. Why hasn’t anyone thought of this yet?

Oh, also sorry about not even spelling Adolf Hitler’s first name right earlier. I’m an idiot.

—Rep. Randy Weber
(R) Texas


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Written by VIRAL GASP contributor: Adam Huddleston